At first, they told me I should go to the British Embassy in the Haag, and discuss the stolen passport thing. -At this time in Europe, borders were much more tightly patrolled.
We didn't really want to go all the way there, for something so trivial, and the police mentioned that we could get advice at the British consul, which was nearby, in Amsterdam. So we continued with our day of bureaucracy, & queued up for an appointment.
There, they gave me another yellow form to complete, & told us/me to return home to England as quickly as possible, along the shortest route.
(Free map, Thanks University of Texas)The shortest route was through Belgium to the Northern French port of Calais.
Our original planned route was a little bit different. -It was 2000 miles longer, & also went through Germany & the South of France.
Aside from those details, we thought "as quickly as possible" were vague instructions. So on balance, we decided to just carry on with our plan regardless, and deal with borders if & when they happened.
At some point during our six-day stay outside the Park Hotel, they'd become annoyed with our little 'free water & restroom' racket.
On the last day, Jay had needed to make a quick exit, after being caught red-handed by the manager, in their lobby restrooms, with the huge water can, half full & jammed under the sink tap.
It was time to move on. Faithful old Degsey roared into action & we were off.
As we edged south from Amsterdam, we were using some of the 99 songs on our horn, depending on the situation.
For example, we could play 'Old MacDonald' as we drove into a campsite, or if a tractor was overtaking us.
We sometimes played the 'Theme from Rocky' as we left a campsite.
It didn't always play the tunes properly, but that just added to it's charm.
We were innocently driving along the Dutch motorway, near Utrecht, in quite heavy traffic, when we were startled by the inescapable sound of a police siren.
The earsplitting noise panicked us all. It sounded as if a police car was inside our van.
"WE'RE BEING NICKED!" shouted Jay, and we checked out the windows to see how many rozzas were on our tail.
But there were no police cars. -Just dozens of confused motorists, watching four freaked out teenagers, twitching the curtains inside our spluttering, wailing camper van...
"IT'S US!...IT'S THE HORN!...OUR HORN'S GONE MENTAL". Shouted Tim.
Luckily the battery was accessible from inside the van, under a seat.
We opened the cover and pulled at the wires connected our horn, cutting the sound of the siren, before we could get pulled for impersonating a police van.
As we neared Germany, I hid in the back.
We crossed the border with me laying low, nestled safely in Degsey's rear end. The weather had broken and it was overcast & rainy.
This may have worked to our advantage, since the border police couldn't be bothered to open the window of their warm, dry kiosk.
In my limited experience, it's always best to do something illegal in bad weather, since the authorities are often worried about getting wet.
-Maybe it's something to do with control issues.
Anyway, we'd made it into Germany, which was cool.
We were still hoping to travel in Europe for another few weeks without my passport, and I felt pretty confident that we'd get away with it, since every border from now on, was kind of on the way home.
Even better, we reconnected the horn and it worked again.
We still had three passports, a comedy honker, the Autobahn, and a van that could do almost 40mph.
We were on a roll.
20 comments:
I loved this story! Thanks for sharing Degsey's theme from Rocky. Sounds like you boys had a good scare there for a minute. I have to agree with what you said about bad weather and the police. It does seem as though they're not rearing to catch somebody, as they normally do on a clear day.
I haven't had many good expereinces with the police, that is on the few occasions that I've dealt with them. I mean I'm not or deliquent or anything.
It started when I was about 4 years old. My parents and I were helping someone we knew move. My dad had this old shitbox of a van, and like an ass he never got it registered, so he took a license plate from an old car of his and put it on the van. Mind you this van had only two seats, so i had to sit on my mother's lap. It was at night on our way home from Connecticut and I had fallen asleep on her, and then i woke up to sirens. A cop had pulled my father over for having an unregistered vehicle, boy was he pissed. And obviously sitting on my mothers lap didn't look too good either, although I didn't know any different at the time. Then I just remember the cop threatening my parents, and saying he ought to take me away from them, which scared the shit out of me.
So ever since then that has sort of soured my opinion on the police. Not to say that all police are jerks, I've come across a 'few' good ones. Oh and my dad went to court and had to pay a terribly expensive fine. Let me just clarify he's matured a lot since then.
I'm thinking a horn version of the Benny Hill theme - Yakety Sax - would have been fitting in the situations involving the police (complete with undercranking.)
The Benny Hill theme is called 'Yakety Sax'? I never knew that. I wish you had told me. I'm going to try and forget this information. Was it written exclusively for Benny Hill? I love at Dodger games when someone on the opposing team fucks up a play and they play the theme. It's so demoralising. Can you imagine fucking something up in front of 40,000 people and having Benny Hill played on you? HAHAHAHA!
I like this new information about police being less willing to work in the rain. Makes me want to commit a crime. Nothing serious. Maybe just some vandalism on someone I don't like.
That is so awesome that Degsey could play Rocky. The capacity of this horn has me more excited than I can say. Could it play 'La Cucaracha'? I don't see how he could be complete without it.
We were folded up laughing at this story. Degsey's horn really added to it. I just woke David by playing it in his ear. He's back asleep now.
Cool,
I never knew that honking classic horn hit was called 'La Cucaracha' (I just checked it out)
There was a card that came with the horn, with each song title & it's number (1-99).-It must have been on there somewhere.
I wonder if I could sneak Yakety Sax into our set-list one night?
I'd also need a comic British style copper with bandy legs, to run around the stage, whilst holding onto his helmet & blowing his whistle.
Yakety Sax was written in 1961 by saxophone player Boots Randolph who hailed from Paducah, Kentucky. He also did session work for Roy Orbison.
Bandy-legged cop, short bald guy and scantily clad ladies.
"'IT'S US!...IT'S THE HORN!...OUR HORN'S GONE MENTAL'. Shouted Tim."
I lol-ed for real.
My only incident with the police was this one time when I was maybe 12 or 13 in the summer. Two of my friends and I would walk over to the local craft store every other day(because we made bracelets all of the time like crazy kids). There was a shoddy grocery store on the way home and one of the shopping cart was left on the street. So I decided to go in the cart and my friends would push me home and we'd switch it up sometimes.
Then a cop car drove by and my friends walked away from me while I was still in the cart. She just told me to put it back but I was so afraid.
We're still friends 'till this day :)
Dutch police still operates in heavy rain, though! They just sit in their cars, parked underneath a huge tree and write tickets from an opened window.
Had bad experiences with the police. Being the sole punker in the shithole I used to grow up in, everybody knew me. When I moved to my first one-room apartment, i happened to move right above the place a cop and his wife lived.
She was really scared of me and within weeks they moved out.
Three years later a polica car blocked me in the middle of nowhere, while cycling along a bike-path: my rear light wasn't working. 35 minutes later, I was turned inside-out, answered to the most ridiculous questions and had a ticket.
'Luckily' I only had to tell them that I didn't had a phone and that they mistook my date of birth. The rest was filled in by them unasked and without any further mistake.
Rob: how much does it pay to impersonate a policeman on stage throughout all tours for the next album?? Good reason to pick up my 'silly walking routine'.
The pay would start off quite modest and might depend on whether any scantily clad ladies were involved.
However, if the billing eventually became something like...
'UNDERGROUND SAX COP' with special guests
Supergrass.
...we could renegotiate.
I'm offering my services (and I'm a PAID ACTRESS now :P) to run around on stage in a maid's outfit, but there'll be no smart ideas about anyone ripping it off as I run past unless it would reveal a nurses outfit underneath. Will work for rider snacks and a beer.
I'm in! As long as the nurse's suit is involved, as ripping off clothes makes things more plausible. In return you might kick my ass and squeeze my nose several times, okay? ;-P
Maybe we should write a descent little script, for which Supergrass could make a suitable soundtrack. Or we listen to the upcoming album and write a nice stage visual around it!!
'The Supergrass Sax Cop Stage Show'.
I'm not asking too much money: just a modest spot on the tour-couch and descent meals.
I remember Bucks Fizz in the 1981 Eurovision song contest doing the ripping their costumes off thing. Maybe that's why they won it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwHMVhPiSUk
Simone,
I'm thinking that if you dressed up as a maid or a nurse, it might cause too much testosterone induced excitement.
I thought instead, you could recreate your 'Tenacious D' cameo apperance for us - being overcome & blown away by our music.
I could stretch to rider snacks & TWO beers if you were wearing a Bob's Big Blog T-Shirt.
I offer my services to pose as either half of Tenacious D, to keep testosterone levels low. Don't even need any rider snacks, just a rider smoke.
All this talk about ripping clothes off and whatnot!!
Perhaps it's best to follow the heliumnized words of Jermaine Stewart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKUUsn4rPac
Although, the girl to the right didn't seem to catch on quite well.
Hmmm, I don't want to get typecast, but okay. I should be able to act blown away by your music. I'll have you talk to my agent to re-negotiate payment. I don't want two beers and less snacks beacuse I'll get too drunk. Will this still be going down to "Yakkety Sax"? It may impede my ability to be "in the moment".
Oh yeah, and I'll happily wear the "I *heart* Bob's Big Blog" t-shirt provided it comes in a fitted ladies size.
Thanks Simone,
When I get my first shipment of T-shirts, I'll send you one & try to sell the other one on e-bay.
Good stuff. But now the real question... Who will play each of you in the Big Hollyood Movie Version...?
If you mean Supergrass, i'll opt them to play themselves. No one can do better than that and most actors can't achieve coming close to 'the real thing'.
Especially when actors can't really sing!
If you mean Simone, Steph and me ... ?
As Hollywood exagerates things, I'll opt for John Goodman to play my part :-D. Can't suggest anyone to play Simone or Steph, as I dont know them (yet).
"American Psycho Benny Hill"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7uGW3Av9ms
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