Earlier, I was driving my car in East Oxford.
Certain parts of town can be a freakshow at times, so I was trying to concentrate on the road, whilst also keeping one eye on the action.
I didn't notice this impatient driver, in a line of parked cars, who wanted to pull out in front of me.
As I drew close, the devil seemed to posses him.- He beeped his honker, stuck his crimson, bald head out the window, and spat out...
"FANKS FOR LETTIN' ME OUT YOU FOCKING BARRSTURRD".
I wasn't sure how I should react to this.
My only crime was not being over-courteous, and maybe not being aware of him & his impatient nature.
Anyway, I laughed at him.
It wasn't like I laughed AND pointed at him.
I just laughed at him, because he was so ridiculous.
I don't think he'd left me any other option:-
1) I could have held up my hand, apologetically,
but then I had nothing to be sorry for.
2) I could have said "Wait until the road is clear, like other people do".
But telling angry people what to do, is not always a good idea, & he was fucking livid.
3) I didn't want to stop, to debate issues of right of way & the 'Highway Code', with a furious, red faced man.
4) I didn't want to shout "Fock Orff!" Back,
Since he might have gone even redder & even more furious.
5) I didn't really want to park up, go over, & put my hand on his shoulder & say, "What's really bothering you, friend? You can talk to me..."
But I couldn't escape the fact, that such an outburst at me, from a fellow human being, could not just be ignored.
Anyway, I managed to get home, and then I started to think;
What IS the appropriate response to this situation?
What I really needed, was a quick hand gesture, a bit like flicking the V, except it should mean-
"Yeah, I have empathy with how you are feeling, I've been there myself, (but this really ain't my shit, so just get off my case)"
Is there such a signal?
Maybe laughter is close enough.
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27 comments:
It's happened to me in traffic where some muncher will just sort of "lose it" and my only reaction is to laugh. I find that pointing and laughing IS more effective in those situations, though. However it's not always easy to REMEMBER to point when your driving. I have a horn in my car like every other car owner, but forget to use it in times like that. It probably would be great fun to just roll down the window and scream wildly at the person as if YOU'RE the bigger nutjob. I think your reaction was perfect. That's how you WERE suppose to respond. As far as a gesture, I would go with the finger point. Good luck on the roads next time! Beep beep!
How about the Vulcan greeting? It's the perfect balance between irony and madness and if they get out and approach you, you can feign sincerity. No-one messes with interplanetary visitors.
I think the Vulcan greeting would be good because it would just confuse the angered party thus foiling their anger. I've always wished there was a polite option on your horn so you can toot your friend on the street without pissing off the car in front of you. If my husband accidentally hits his horn, he starts waving at nothing to appease the cars around him.
Having said that, I am bit of a psycho myself, though thankfully not bald and red headed (yet).
I was into an incident once where I was in a lane going straight and the lane to my right, for right turns only, was full of people skipping out of their line, because the straight line was way long, to get into the lane to go straight at the last second. Since I was well planned and right where I needed to be, I thought "FUCK YOU!" to all these line skippers. This one girl got very angry that I wasn't letting her in and was clearly screaming and flailing her arms around like it was her right to be there. I flipped her off, and oh boy, was that a mistake! She started gesturing like she was ready to get out of the car and beat me up. She may have undone her seatbelt. The light was now red, so I had nowhere to go. This wasn't going to work out in my favour as this heafty African American girl need only sit on my car and she could have crushed it with me inside. So I gave a soothing, 'chill' hands up gesture, shook my head calmly like "No thanks! No fighting today! Cheers!" and she backed off.
Some people are far more sensitive to being flipped off than I realise.
I went to see a band on Monday and this girl nearly shoved me right off some steps, so when she looked back at me sheepishly, I flipped her off and she got really mad too! Why are people so sensitive about it? Anyway, I've never been in a fight, but I wasn't afraid of this little twat, so I argued with this girl for a bit. Then thinking this was too dumb to pursue and given the fact that I didn't care anymore, I started the 'laughing' thing and it just made her madder. I just told her to "let it go" and I turned away and her friend led her away.
I guess my input to your question then, Robster, is that how you should respond is based entirely on the size of the person and your ability to make an emergency exit from the 'situation' should it turn into one.
Think I would just hold the peice sign and say peace out man
When someone gets mad at me in traffic I wave enthusiastically at them like they're a long lost friend. This makes them think they might have been hollering at/flipping off/brandishing a weapon at someone they know and provides you the instant gratification of seeing them get really, really embarrassed. They go pale and look at you trying to place you, which buys you time to get out of there quick so they don't shoot you or something.
The one time this didn't work for me was when a black lady with a huge 'fro got mad at me in traffic. She was really pissed. I did the default wave and she gave me a look that said "I am so not friends with your white ass."
I don't have my driving license and I never drove a car...so I don't have the answer...but I think you reaction was really clever, the best one!
i have had this happen and I have found that if you wave back to the angry person and say "oh hello" in a way that suggests you haven't seen a friend in a long time, it confuses the anger right out of them. haha!
If I had time I would put his head between my pointer finger and thumb and squish his head, but otherwise I would probably do the shrug - "sorry but that's the way the cookie crumbles poppa".
I think that a shoulder shrug, palms to ceiling, eyebrows up gesture can mean - sorry - but also 'that's the way the cookie crumbles'. But really if he hasn't figured it out by now what hope is there?
I suppose some one who enjoys the rockstar status like you can afford the optional front and rear rocket launchers on their Vauxhall? You will be able to handle these situations with German precision?
or get yourself some freaky eye implants like neato lil light emmiting diodes that glow real bright...an if you ever get a problem just flick the switch
and shout something like..'thoth is most displeased with thou'
should work
I think this friendliness is the best approach. I need to fucking chill out. I was a passenger yesterday and I was stuggling not to shout at the other drivers.
There was this NUTCASE a few months back who was dodging in and out of traffic, but his window was open and he was totally waving and smiling and friendly, insanely so, and all the while getting away with the most fucked maneuvers known to man. We were all too confused by his demeanor to get very angry.
Friendliness is the way to go!
Thanks for the comments,
Maybe my problem is that I do have some empathy with insane people.
Next time, I could try to somehow combine; holding up a peace sign, whilst laughing, waving, pointing, shoulder-shrugging & doing the Vulcan greeting, to get the message across clearly.
With rocket launchers ready as a back up, just incase.
Yeah.. Empathy is really inconvenient. But it's way better than the alternative, or should I say the inverse (having no empathy - that's no way to live).
God save the unstable
xpvewI have to agree with the people who chose waving. That's the approach I generally use, although sometimes at the spur of the moment my quickest reaction is to flip them off.
It really depends on the move they pull. If it's almost life threatening then that person needs to be flipped off, if it's not as extreme stick to the wave or something friendlier.
About two years ago my boyfriend and I got cut off by this other couple, which made us miss our turn. So my boyfriend honked the horn at them, and then they proceeded to flip us off, as if we were the ones at fault here.
Anyways we needed to turn around. So we pulled into this ice cream place, and it just so happened that the other couple pulled into the fish market right across the street. We both saw each other, through the heavily trafficked road. The couple gets out of their car, and they both start raising their hands in the air, gesturing do you want to start something.
Mind you these two, were no spring chickens they had to be pushing 55. We got a good laugh out of this, and started waving profusely as they stared back confused. The best part is they cut us off to go to the damn fish market.
Please ignore xpvew at the beginning of the first paragraph on my last comment. It was part of the word verification thing.
maybe you don't believe me Rob , but here , in my town , things like this happen very often .. (too much often ) , and worse still, it also happens worse , people that slap , as an example .. and a mrs. has told me of persons that they have pulled outside the gun only for pass before .. incredible .. and than i know that exist this kind of people here .. therefore for me, in a case like yours it's better shush ^^ ... even if , personally i'm a person much nervous one, and I don't tolerate this behavior .. consequently I answer .. probably some day I will return to house only with the bar-bell ._.,, (if i'm fortunate ) . After you have read these words you will not want never come in my city, therefore I will not never say the name to you :°D ..
P.s. Next time you come down from the car fortified of your car jack :°D .. joke .. naturally
Confirming my status as "international loser" it seems that, after a couple of bevies, I wrote a song about General Banana last night. I have NO memory of the tune, although Ginger tells me that it was funky (with a slowed-down middle part, which was on the sad side). Don't ask.
It's called "5 Star".
The blossom flowers
Wilts on the vine
But he's just fine
That tight-clumped bunch
A monkey's lunch
Dessert divine
Yellow bellied
Son of a weed
White-hot heart
Cultivated seed
Luscious flower
Fibrous trunk
Protein power
Delicious drunk
As bread
or battered
sliced
or split
General Banana's
IT
I can't drive,of course i don't have a car.But my father have,he always drive me go to school.So i know there's often have some disgusting thinks in the streets.
Sometime even i want to cuss those damned guys.
PS:I laugh at "his crimson, bald head".~~
She is beautiful!
She is powerful!
She is.... Kate!
I'm over that red faced chump & his bad temper now.
Thanks to your song about General Banana.
(Say hi to Ginger)
I went out for an indian meal tonight with the lads.
-Apparently, sticking your finger up your bottom is a cure for hiccups.
I think I'll leave it there.
Anywho, moving on swiftly from my comment last night...
I've just been reading the recent comments & it's got me thinking-
Steph,
I totally agree with you on the empathy thing. I think I need to have empathy with people or I wouldn't have any real friends.
Nymph,
I suppose I'm lucky to live in a village, where people are chilled most of the time. That's why this angry driver guy in town, kind of shocked me.
I do love big cities,- I've lived in a couple.
But I've found I need good friends around me in the city or it freaks me out.
did you know that the banana tree is a herb? (herb ---> weed. little jokelette. couldn't just leave it, could i? couldn't cope with the idea that anyone would think that i was calling you weedy. because i wasn't. i was, apparantly, trying to be punny -- even after a couple, i tries, i does.)
ginger says, "well, howdy".
When I was about 15, some friends & I, were caught, by Danny's dad, in his attic, smoking dried banana skins.
I remember being annoyed that we'd got busted for getting high, without getting high.
Oh, and just for the record, & in case of misunderstanding, I did NOT put my finger up my bum, to test the hiccup theory, on the night of the indian meal. (Or any other night for that matter)
maybe you're lucky , maybe not :) ( i think more that you're lucky for this .. saying between us :P ) .. I think that is a good to know many types of people,confront you with them , they are experiences, and serves to strengthen the relationship or communication with the others,in this way, you choose better your friendships and you succeed to act, every day that passes, in way more rations in analogous situations like yours with this... mh he goat? ..mh Pardon .. gentleman :)
is also for this that i appreciate too much yours exposing and trying , opinion your and of other people's .. you're Real Rob :) .. and then city or not the important is what there is around, WHO is around , I am sure that your choice has been that just one
Having worked as an ambulance co-pilot for several years, we had such situations regularly.
We did three things most of the times:
- Flash our (ambulance) lights shortly, like saying 'taken notice'.
- Raised a hand, as if we were saying 'Thanks for stopping', handling like the person deliberately stopped to let you pass as a friendly gesture. (By reacting in a totally wrong way, the person could very well get the idea you didn't get the message, making him/her doubth at the clearness of the message. They usually leave it then).
- Simply ignore the bastard.
Banana peels disappointed me too. It was a hot boring night in Austin and we couldn’t figure out what we were doing wrong with them. Plus they tasted awful. So then we went and got ice cream.
Tell you what, i'm going through a spate of horrific driving at the moment. I don't know if it's because i've got a lot on my mind or what but i've suddenly become an awful driver. I accidently cut someone up today and they went SPARE!! Honking their horn wanker signs, the lot. I admire your laugh at the red faced man as I just cowered in my seat and nearly crashed into the car infront. Not an ideal response as I think you'll agree.
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