"Pleash upen zhe back doorsh" Said one officer, so we complied. They walked around to the back of the van and got a proper look at us, and we got a look at these two moustached, armed officers. The guy with the bigger tash said...
"O.K. Do you haave any druugs?"
(A Dutch undercover cop. Photo by Lila)
There was a moment of silence, while we all gave each other a scared look, hoping that one of us would suddenly know what to say.
Then Jay piped up, with his cheeky confidence...
"Nuffin' stronger than paracetamol".
Another uncomfortable silence followed.
There was still a stench of skunk & black hash in the air, & we were trying hard to make our eyes look open.
"Look, itsh O.K. to have some haash" Urged the camp faced cop.
"Ohhh, Hash!" we said in unison, with a collective sigh of relief. "We got some hash....yeah hash...and some weed..."
It turned out that they were trawling for counterfeit cash (I can't believe we fitted their target profile). After inspecting our money they warned us to be careful of 'junkie thieves' operating in the area, & they left.
I was woken the next morning by the smell of charis.
I could sleep through extremes of noise, motion or temperature. My nostrils were my alarm clock, & since we didn’t normally have food, it was a joint that would stir me out of my slumber.
The other guys would come to know this about me, and could exploit this weakness of mine at their convenience.
I think we spent the next day, snoozing in the park & getting lost in the city, since all the streets seemed to look the same. We returned to the coffee shop 'Balou', and ate frites with mayonaise on the way back to the van.
Walking back to the camper van late that night, as we negotiated the last corner, we saw a pillow & some blankets scattered across the road.
Our first reaction was to laugh, but there was something that didn't feel quite right about the whole scene.
It dawned on me that it was my pillow in the street, & Jay noticed one of his blankets from the 'Chevignon' logo.
Jay was the first to get to the van and see the mess, and his maternal instinct took over...
"O.K. who was the last one out"
As the rest of us got in the van, we all started to realize the gravity of the situation. Tim had lost his sleeping bag, Jay had lost some of his designer clothes, I'd lost my passport & Degsey had lost his Stereo.
It was Ruud van Robbery.
44 comments:
That sucks! How were you to continue your trip without your passport? How could you have left it in the Degsey?
I clicked to enter a world of pain and it was fantastic! I want to stay in the pain cave. I liked this story a lot.
I need to know what charis is, because I was going to name a baby Charis Constance if I have another girl someday. It's Greek for grace, but if it means hash [or something vile] maybe I'll have to think of another name.
Yeah,
It was pretty vacant of me to leave my passport out in the van.-That's charis...
As far as I know, Charis is made from the first gathering of excess resin from a new marajuana crop. It doesn't involve cutting the plants & is often done by hand.
I suppose, in principle, it's a little bit like 'extra virgin' olive oil, except it gets you wasted.
I vote for making the twirly moustache a permanent (and real) thing.
Also, this in-progress story should be made into an internationally released film. I'm thinking George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle and Matt Damon in the lead roles.
Well, what can I say on behalf of the Dutch Society... You were warned by the cops Rob... I mean, that poshy van... C'mon! Who wouldn't go in and check for a valid ID, a nice jerk spot free sleeping bag, some clean designer underpants and a pumpin' stereo?
But.. if it makes you feel better: We're sorry Rob Bob!
Look at that, an apology, just be glad this didn't happen in Germany! :P
it was supergrass fans from the future i reckon....they read this page....travelled back in time
and nicked some authentic supergrass underpants to sell on ebay or something
So who was the last one out, and was it their fault that your stuff got stolen?
Or was the van locked, and they just broke into it?
Damn those junkie thieves!!
So I assume there's a part three where we'll find out who was the last out of the van?
hmmm???
anon: unless SG fans change a GREAT deal in the future, i would hazard a guess that your time travelers could NOT have been true SG fans.
SG fans would WAIT to be given said underwear (in what manner, i cannot say), -- never STEAL it -- and no self-respecting fan would dream of then selling them on e-bay. never.
of course, whether they would buy they off e-bay is another matter altogether.
pants.
Speak for yourself Kate, if I get the chance to get some of Rob's underpants...
But ehm seriously, Rob, were you sure that the two men with moustaches were actually policemen? We are talking about Amsterdam here, moustached men in police uniforms can also be something else. They might have been heading for a dark and moisty party location and thus in need of some clean spare underpants, something soft and warm like a sleeping bag to play monopoly on and some music to enhance the gameplay... But what could they have done with Rob's passport?!?!... Mmmm
Please forget my allegations...
I forgot the picture Rob added..
These were definitely Dutch cops...
Car-burglary has since spread the country.
But I agree on Costa's comments about the autheticity of the cops, eeven though they could have been legimite as well.
But it's Amsterdam, so you shouldn't be surprised on anything.
Ever heard of the passport again? Curious on the rest of the 'on the road'-story now!
Thanks guys...
I love the idea of Georgeous George playing me in a movie, but let's not forget, Degsey was the real star.
(I wonder if the A-Team's van is still avaliable)
Costa & Kate make me laugh!!
-I had no idea there were S.G. fans, waiting for our underpants. That's much easier to deliver than another album.
I honestly can't remember, who was the last one out the van, or whether the door was locked. (Another reason for me not to smoke charis)
I still can't believe that we were so naive to hand our money over to these 'cops', to be 'inspected'. I suppose we were lucky on that one.-Amsterdam has it's good people, just like everywhere else.
As for the passport issue, you'll have to wait and see.
Anonymous, there are several problems with your time travel theory. Just watch Back to the Future for starters. We should be living in this alternate 2006 where Supergrass underpants have been sold on eBay which I don't think has occurred.
Rob, I keep meaning to say how much I love your tattoo sleeves, if my eyes don't deceive.
Also, to save you the trouble of a new album, where do we purchase the underpants? Amazon.co.uk? Credit card is in hand. Can we buy a full set or is it a rip off like Use Your Illusion I & II and the KISS solo albums where we have to buy them individually?
Costa,
I looove your term "dark and moisty party location"!!
Now to convince SG to make that their next album title..
General,
I think I speak for all of us when I say:
album first, pants later.
I always found it funny that the A-Team - wanted by the law - would drive around a busy city in a CUSTOM PAINTED VAN. They should have completed the look with a big A-TEAM R HERE! sign on top and a loudspeaker playing their theme.
Roger that Kate!
We want blood, sweat and tears soaked pants, callous on Robs elegant piano fingers, holes in the keys, etc.
All because of that great new album that will tenderly caress our tympanic membranes and fill our minds with groovy new vibes!
In return we will make Rob a millionair and cheer at his performances even if it is clear that his should have stopped one pint earlier and should have said no to that exclusive Dutch cigarette!
Give it to us Robbie Williams!
Oh... ehm...
this is not the blog of Robbie Williams?
Maybe the next album could have a cover of the band's underwear hanging on a line, bearing the title "Out to dry"??
Or a line of underwear with the merchandise, bearing the band-logo and various album- or songtitles, like "In It For The Money", "Feel Alright" or "Caught By The 'Grass".
this is the alternate time line and the naughty time travellers keep turning up to get more pants cos theres such demand for them in the future due to the paradox created by the disscussion here
well, sod it, then. if it's happening anyway, i will just have to gear up my time machine and get in on the action. the choices are:
--fighter of underwear nickers
--underwear nicker
god, it's a tough choice. perhaps i can just mess with the space-time continuum twice (and be both).
who wants what?
kate, if you're going to steal underwear, pick me up some. i can trade you either some soap on a rope (slightly used) or a tray of bacon marinating in syrup, you pick!
who used the soap on a rope -- one of the lads?
unfortunately not, the soap on a rope used to belong to my uncle gary.
okay, they're all dirty lies.
sorry for the digression
And there was me getting ready to get into my time machine. (One of the things I may or may not have shared is that I am a CLEAN freak. I actually have the world's largest shower in my house. No really, soap is something that might tempt me to evil.)
Do you even HAVE an Uncle Gary, Steph?
No, no Uncle Gary, I just think it's the creepiest uncle name ever. But I DO have an Uncle Barry. He is like the caucasian version of Isaac Hayes.
Nice topic. I think Uncle Larry is pretty creepy. (Not that I have one, but if I did, he'd really give me the creeps).
I've just hosted a halloween party for about 17 thousand, no million, kids.
I'm a beaten man. I lost a part of me forever tonight.
I'm crying as I write this, tears falling on to my keyboard.
Oh, and by the way, I'm not quite as ambiguously gay as Robbie Williams. (so I've been told)
funny you should say that Robert J, because right now I'm writing a blog entry about my adventures/misadventures this weekend with the kids whilst husband was out of town. when he came home i told him to get 'fixed.'
NOTHING takes it out of you like taking care of kids. it would be easier to wrestle alligators or something.
I can only dream of wrestling aligators.
That would be like my Nirvana.
There's a Halloween party tonight at the Slimmons studio. I didn't get out of work in time to make it there. I wonder what Richard Simmons is wearing?! You think you have it tough this Halloween. He has to control a bunch of fat middle aged women who want to eat candy!
A guy came into my work today wearing fake tattoo sleeves! So weird because I'd never seen them before this blog.
our house got egged -- even though we had MOUNTAINS of candy to give out. :(
Apparently, this blog can still be read in China, but they've now censored all access to comments.
It's a shame to not get any more comments from China, but at the same time, I think it's quite funny.
Is it something I said?
The fake moustache?
Tatoo sleeves?
Sometimes, censorship just leads to intrigue.
-We miss your comments 'Miss X'. (You know who you are) in case you find a way to read this.
Dissapearance of Robs blog in China wouldn't have anything to do with continued spreading underpants kleptomania I hope?
Those were just jokes dear Chinese dictators! Rob and his buddies were victims of the detestable western open market mechanism! Please put the blog online again! I promise, I will buy products from China whenever I can to support your community (honesty obliges me to say that nothing else is available these days, but still, my intentions are good)... We need to communicate with Chinese people and understand them and they need Rob's groove!
My apologies Rob, you probably had to re-edit the whole thing because of me...
BTW, it seems Van Robbery was a problem in the '50s already.
According to a film produced in 1957 Van Robbery was giving Scotland Yard hard times back in those days! Just be glad that you still had your underpants Rob!
http://movies2.nytimes.com/gst/movies/movie.html?v_id=93822
Costa,
My bad, I've edited out 'Miss X's real name, & re-ordered the last couple of comments, so it makes sense again.- I think.
Do you think we got away with it, without any one noticing?
Shit! My ibook is breaking down again.-damn this dodgey touch pad.
china doesnt censor the interwebs an official said so
http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20061031/094013.shtml
it appears that any problems viewing pages are "server errors" and journalists bloggers and campaigners have "legal problems"
"arm the giant lazer!!"
There was an interesting double-double post there for a while.
Rob, in action...
hey, isabel here, i really like your blog!!! i wish i got round to writing more interesting stuff than "blergh i have an essay" in minen (which is http://rhymeoverreason.livejournal.com/ by the way - seems only fair to swap) hope you're good xxx
Hi, I'm Doctor Roger Nezone. phd, Msc, Bse, fu,nky
I'm Rob's physician, psychiatrist, psychic, physiotherapist, & of course, psychosis.
Rob is currently, temporarily unable to give his opinion on any non absract thoughts, due to his involvement in coping with both real & imagined stressful situations.
(Like finishing the next Supergrass Album, getting his kids ready for school on time in the morning, & wondering why the sky is dark on a clear night, despite there being so many millions of stars out there)
He has asked me to pass on the message that he is committed to writing his crap ideas on the net, & will soon post again.-When this current bout of madness has passed......
.....He has just instructed me to thank you all very much for the comments..........He's just told me that he's a very lucky boy to receive such kind consideration..........He is now talking jibberish & eating toilet paper again.-Better go....
dont eat the brown toilet paper
its city paper
like city wok from south park
(that word verifycations gonna make me spell khazakstan again!!)
Dr. Nezone,
Don't you think part of his recovery and adequate functioning as a human being should require him to have closure in his life? Specifically, I'm referring to the story he was two thirds through telling.
I think it would be in his best interest to complete that story to help er...release any creative blockages, thus enabling him to better contribute to the new Supergrass album, which will in turn benefit the sanity of the readers.
Dear Dr. Nezone,
Please tell Rob that the madness is a good thing; toilet paper won't hurt (in reasonable amounts -- as long as it is unused); and that the best tonic is:
--long, hot bath (leaving you all prune-y)
--ciggie (out the window, half way through the bath)
--hot toddy (if it is cold enough); straight up if it's a warm night
--a chat with General Banana (who knows how to handle these things)
--rinse and repeat these steps (on sequence) for several days (or until the madness passes)
We can wait.
--From someone who knows
Not enough the posts are great, and so are those comments!!!!
:D
Love from Brazil
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